


The Adventurous Tale of the Rogue and the Law Student

by MorriganFearn



Series: HSWC Bonus Rounds 2014 [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dreamerstuck, Gen, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 00:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2249451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorriganFearn/pseuds/MorriganFearn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two kingdoms teeter on the brink of war at the best of times, and this was not the best of times. It's up to a rogue and a law student to explain what's going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Adventurous Tale of the Rogue and the Law Student

**Author's Note:**

> Written for gendersquare's prompt in BR5: Quotes  
> “Scars are not injuries... A scar is a healing. After injury, a scar is what makes you whole.” - China Mieville, The Scar
> 
> Warnings for vague references to torture

Once upon a time in a purple kingdom there was a princess—

TG: there was not!  
GC: OH BUT TH3 STORY 1S SO MUCH MOR3 1NT3R3ST1NG W1TH 4 PR1NC3SS 4ND 4 H4NDY L4WY3R, TH3 BL1ND 4RB1T3R OF JUST1C3!  
TG: you can't be an arbiter of justice and a lawyer. even the queens are just judges and juries and executioners. you wanna be a queen terezi? hmmmmmm? do you?  
GC: 1 W4NT TO T3LL TH3 STORY TH4TS WH4T 1 W4NT TO DO  
GC: OOOH! 1 K33P FORG3TT1NG HOW SUG4RY YOU T4ST3  
TG: *snork* i hope you're getting a good lick of that screen. my precious text is a gift of the most delicious happiness. you must be all rushed and ready to tell this story mojo right. without the princesses. let's be reasonable. but not sad! i hate sad!  
GC: OF COURS3 NOT S4D! NO R34SON TO TURN YOUR SPUN SUG4R FLUFF1N3SS TO B1TT3R  
GC: HMMM 1 4CTU4LLY L1K3 L1M3 BL4ST1NG FL4VOR B1TT3R COFF33 HMM YOU KNOW TH3R3S LOTS OF GOOD B1TT3RN3SS  
GC: 4H! TO TH3 B1TT3R SOPOR1F1CS OF YOUR M3D1C1N3 C4B1N3T!  
TG: pppppppppppppbt

Once upon a time, a glorious purple kingdom and a bright golden yellow kingdom were at war.

TG: i thought you said it wouldn't be sad!  
GC: 1M B31NG R34SON4BL3 NOW SHOOSH 1V3 GOT 4 STORY TO T3LL

The purple kingdom had only one queen, though there were more heiresses than were strictly need, or wanted, probably, by the authorities. Certainly by one of the heiresses, who wanted no heiresses, and just to be the queen herself. However, that is probably a different story.

There were also two heirs, though one of them everyone forgot, mostly because he had a habit of disappearing in the Void Forest, and the other was content to play in the vast purple graveyard. By and large, everyone forgot him, too. Compounding this problem of too many heirs and heiresses, there were also a set of princes, and it is with one of the princes the story doesn't quite start, but I'm starting here, because we'll never get going if we don't get off the ground somewhere.

Due to the machinations of the royal court, and that one heiress in particular, Prince Dirk was used to wandering the whole of the purple kingdom, as being on the move constantly helped shake off dastardly assassins. Besides, even though the war was at a stalemate, there was no harm in surveying the ground he was probably expected to go out and bravely get killed upon. After all, he was not keen on the whole get killed upon attribute of said ground, and suspected that if he knew the area, he could negate that aspect of the whole plan.

Early on while roaming, back in the years when he had believed himself very adventuresome for figuring out how to leave his room—a frustratingly difficult task in both kingdoms—he came upon an apprentice thief near the Void Forest. He and this thief got to talking—

TG: oh! i know this part!  
GC: W3LL OF COURS3 YOU DO :T  
TG: but i can tell it better  
GC: >:T >:T >:TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT  
GC: F1N3 F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO G3T 1N TH3 W4Y OF GR34T STORYT3LL1NG *TH3 R3G4L SM4RTYP4NTS L4WY3R ST3PS 4S1D3*

So the prince wanted to learn all of the life hacks a decent rogue had got under her belt. He was a pretty funny guy, and the rogue was glad to teach him, if he would let her sneak around the palace on occasion, because that place looked cool, and, well, being a thief in the Void Forest was kind of dull. And lonely. It was the nature of the Void Forest, of course, but this rogue wanted to meet people and see cool stuff, and maybe poke at the fabric of the universe for a bit before redistributing the vast wealth of the purple kingdom to the whole population of really cute little black chess people.

But the palace visit turned out to be a pretty bad—

TG: this is gonna b sad :( i didn't like this bit at all  
TG: tell you what, why don't you continue the story?  
GC: H33H33 TH4NK YOU FOR R3STOR1NG MY N4RR4T1V3 CONTROL  
TG: anytime ;*

In sneaking into the palace, the rogue was seen! By a second prince, who thought to ingratiate himself to the heiresses by getting rid of his competitor, and not-so-coincidentally kick starting the war again, though this time in the purple kingdom's favor. He waited one night to ambush the prince with the help of a bard and the rather irritated heiress who had been detained recently for stealing the queen's jewelry again. They trapped Prince Dirk in a Cell of Detainment and Unfortunate Questions That Had to Be Answered after Pointy Objects Were Applied, or It Just Wouldn't Be Fun.

TG: this is sad :(  
GC: 1T G3TS B3TT3R!

They told the noble rogue questions would Be Asked of the prince, if she did not retrieve evidence of the golden kingdom's treachery. The rogue flew for the yellow kingdom for all she was worth.

Now, if we were certain kinds of storytellers, specifically the kinds of storytellers who preside over lemon bright libraries, we would step back and give you a brief historical and political overview of the Golden Kingdom of Prospit, similar to the overview of the confusing power situation teetering around in the purple kingdom. But, while there were two heirs, two maids of regal bearing, and a prince in the yellow kingdom, almost all of them were stuck in the frustratingly difficult to leave rooms mentioned earlier, and don't have a great bearing on this story. The cool thing about the Kingdom of Prospit is that the regular people, like an all sniffing law student with a double duty as a self appointed guard, are just as important as the regal types.

This law student was stuck in the royal library when she came upon a stranger in purple grape jammies asking the royal self-appointed archivist if there was any information on deception and coercion in the multi-teired shelves. It was a case worthy of immediate sleuthing, the law student thought to herself.

TG: i'm still pretty sure law students don't do that  
GC: OH WOULD YOU L1K3 TO BR1NG TH3 C4S3 B3FOR3 TH3 COURT?  
TG: you're holding a noose right now, aren't you?  
GC: WHY 3V3R WOULD YOU TH1NK TH4T?  
TG: no, i would not like to bring a case!  
GC: JUST1C3 1S DON3 TH3N!

Very quickly, the law student snooped through the stacks with her Dersei counterpart, gently teasing out the whole sordid mess. It didn't take long for the thief to confess, and even less time for the law student to propose a joint rescue operation. Which made the rogue a little suspicious, it must be noted.

However, the law student had seen something that the rogue had missed. If they could ally with each other and rescue the prince, he would, in turn have a leg up

TT: A whole four legs and at least a tail, if not a full horse up  
TG: shhhh! terezi is telling the story, jerkass

A leg up on those who had conspired to lock him away, and with a little persuading he could make them see his point of view. Which was, of course, the law student and the rogue's point of view.

TG: namely that everything has been really awful with the war and the succession crisis, and we could change it all by bridging the gap between the two kingdoms  
GC: 4LSO SORRY 4BOUT T4K1NG SO LONG TO CH4NG3 YOUR 4CCOMMOD4T1ON TO SOM3TH1NG MOR3 COMMOD1OUS  
TT: Nah, I totally get it. Thanks for the story. And hey, if I hadn't been kidnapped, you guys wouldn't have met each other, and we couldn't be stopping a bloody civil war with the bandaid of friendship, so well done.  
GG: hmm. you know, given the trouble i've had getting out of my room, i can understand how difficult being locked up in either derse or prospit is  
GG: and i'm glad to be facilitating the rogue council of long distance diplomatic talks as a maid of regal bearing  
GG: but it occurs to me  
GG: if prince dirk over there can wander wherever he pleases, due to much anti-assassination practice  
GG: he might have been able to free himself on his own?  
TT: What?  
TT: Cross my heart and hope to die  
TT: You're a very suspicious person, Maid Jane  
GC: Y34H! TO DO TH4T H3D H4V3 TO KNOW TH4T L4DY BUBBL3GUM F41RY 4ND 1 WOULD WORK W3LL TOG3TH3R 4ND 1M SUR3 H3 D1DNT 3V3N KNOW 1 3X1ST3D  
GG: hmm. very well, but i'm keeping an eye on you mr. strider, as these negotiations progress!  
TG: you said it, sister!  
TT: Hey now, you can't gang up on me.  
TG: well i'm team prospit now, so there  
TG: all the cool kids are team prospit  
GC: 4LL TH3 COOL K1DS!  
GC: 4CTU4LLY M4YB3 W3 SHOULD G1V3 YOU SOM3 OF OUR NOT SO COOL K1DS TO 3V3N TH3 SCOR3  
GC: 1LL G1V3 YOU ON3 ROY4L 4RCH1V1ST FOR ON3 VO1D ROGU3 SH3S CH4TTY 4ND OTH3R TH4N 4N 4FF1N1TY FOR SP1D3RS TH3R3S NOTH1NG WRONG W1TH H3R WORK 3TH1C!  
TT: No.  
TG: ooh! yes!


End file.
